Being Different

In a comment on my last post, Marie asked about raising kids that are OK with being different. But she pointed out about how they don't want to be too different. Her question was tied into raising homeschool kids where public school education is the norm.

This particular question was having to do with teen age kids.
The truth about teenagers is that they want to be different! They celebrate their individuality! However, they keep their individuality within limits. Their clothing is a way of expressing their individuality. They would never want to wear twinner clothing with someone else-- yet they would never want to wear pioneer clothes or even things that were in style 5 years ago.
The reason that they express their individuality within limits, is that they also want to be tied into a group. The idea is to be similar but not the same.

Even a Public schooled child, while he attends school in the same building as everyone else, knows that he is not the same or even similar to all the other students. Nor does he want to be. At public schools, there are groups: the athletes, the musicians, the druggies, the nerds, the drama geeks. Often a student doesn't cross the line from one group to another. And never wants to.

A homeschooler can feel that they are totally different from the public school kids if they have no tie with the public school kids. But there are other (and may I say, better) ways to build bridges than going to school in the same building all day with the public school kids. Our job, as parents of homeschool kids, is to create a "group" in the family at home that they are happy to be a part of. Also, to form ties with other homeschool families so that the child doesn't feel like he is one who is homeschooled compared to a million who are public schooled. And lastly, we need to form ties between our homeschool children and their public school counterparts based on the child's interests outside of school. If a child plays on an athletic team with others, it makes no difference what school they go to. If they have a dance class or drama class with others, again it makes no difference what school they go to. Friends from work seldom care what school the other kids go to. And these days, a student can attend some classes that interest them (including LDS Seminary) and it doesn't really matter whether they are in the same math, english or other classes. High school and Jr. High are organized such that none of the public school kids are together all day, and so why would they care if the homeschool student is in the same building or not. Although it sometimes seems strange to learn about homeschooling, kids are good at getting used to new things.

I think there is one thing that kids do care about. Not where someone learns or goes to school, but whether they are social and pleasant to be around, and happy and fun. A good sense of humor goes a long way toward making other kids want to be around someone.

My conclusion: Kids are not afraid of being different. They are only afraid of not being accepted by others. Lets help them get enough good experiences with other kids so they will be confident that they will be accepted and liked when they associate with other kids.