Garden Club Helps Things Grow

The Women of the South Davis Garden Club are my "mothers". Mary Sue Bishop mentioned yesterday how the "Mother" in us makes us nurturers. The reason they garden is becuase they like to help things grow. She said that every year she gets the "after Christmas blues" that last until she starts looking at her seed catelogs. But when she carefully places one tiny seed in each of hundreds of small cells of dirt in her livingroom each early spring, and waters them with a spray bottle, and keeps them warm (but not too warm) until they sprout, she feels the excitement of new life. These ladies are so willing to share the things they have learned through their experiences to help those of us with less experience have more successes and less failures.
Its funny how, like mothers of children, these women emphasize common sense and taking into account the individual differences of each plant or seed when they talk about gardening. But where do we get that "common sense"? Most of these women talk of someone who taught them in the beginning like their mother or father. And the other source of "common sense" seems to be talking to each other about what mistakes they have made, problems they have had, and successes that have worked well.

They say that as you grow things, you will get a feel for how things are supposed to be, just like baking cookies. All of this fits together. They are suggesting that in baking cookies, raising children, and growing plants, you do things in combination over and over. Sometimes your combination works well, sometimes not so well. When it doesn't work so well, it isn't too serious because you'll get another chance at it. When it does work well, pay attention and do it the same again. Lucille Johnson, popular author and lecturer is quoted as saying, "If your a good mother 60% of the time, you're a good mother."

In raising our children, thank goodness we don't have to start without "recipies" for success. Our church leaders give us recipes for successful families alot. Do we follow them as faithfully as we do the recipes for the foods we cook? And we have an inside look at what our parents did to help our family grow. Did it work well? If so, do the same things. If not, you know at least one thing to avoid. Let's pay attention.
Last of all, why are we willing to share our failures in raising plants, but we try to keep our failures at raising children secret. Why are we ashamed? Are we so proud that we want everyone to think we never make mistakes? That is dishonest. Or are we lacking in faith that, despite our mistakes, it will all work out in the end.

I knew a mother who once said, "It's too bad that children aren't like pancakes and you can throw away the first batch." But I am glad that children are better than pancakes. They are resillient. Even if we parents make mistakes in raising them, given time, they turn out pretty good.
I love what the Bountiful City gardener, Marque Randall, says, "Don't worry so much about your plants. They WANT to grow." I think that is true with children too.
It gives me hope as I raise my family and as I try to grow plants.

Being Different

In a comment on my last post, Marie asked about raising kids that are OK with being different. But she pointed out about how they don't want to be too different. Her question was tied into raising homeschool kids where public school education is the norm.

This particular question was having to do with teen age kids.
The truth about teenagers is that they want to be different! They celebrate their individuality! However, they keep their individuality within limits. Their clothing is a way of expressing their individuality. They would never want to wear twinner clothing with someone else-- yet they would never want to wear pioneer clothes or even things that were in style 5 years ago.
The reason that they express their individuality within limits, is that they also want to be tied into a group. The idea is to be similar but not the same.

Even a Public schooled child, while he attends school in the same building as everyone else, knows that he is not the same or even similar to all the other students. Nor does he want to be. At public schools, there are groups: the athletes, the musicians, the druggies, the nerds, the drama geeks. Often a student doesn't cross the line from one group to another. And never wants to.

A homeschooler can feel that they are totally different from the public school kids if they have no tie with the public school kids. But there are other (and may I say, better) ways to build bridges than going to school in the same building all day with the public school kids. Our job, as parents of homeschool kids, is to create a "group" in the family at home that they are happy to be a part of. Also, to form ties with other homeschool families so that the child doesn't feel like he is one who is homeschooled compared to a million who are public schooled. And lastly, we need to form ties between our homeschool children and their public school counterparts based on the child's interests outside of school. If a child plays on an athletic team with others, it makes no difference what school they go to. If they have a dance class or drama class with others, again it makes no difference what school they go to. Friends from work seldom care what school the other kids go to. And these days, a student can attend some classes that interest them (including LDS Seminary) and it doesn't really matter whether they are in the same math, english or other classes. High school and Jr. High are organized such that none of the public school kids are together all day, and so why would they care if the homeschool student is in the same building or not. Although it sometimes seems strange to learn about homeschooling, kids are good at getting used to new things.

I think there is one thing that kids do care about. Not where someone learns or goes to school, but whether they are social and pleasant to be around, and happy and fun. A good sense of humor goes a long way toward making other kids want to be around someone.

My conclusion: Kids are not afraid of being different. They are only afraid of not being accepted by others. Lets help them get enough good experiences with other kids so they will be confident that they will be accepted and liked when they associate with other kids.

Kindergarten

Of my 7 children, 5 attended Kindergarten.
It is interesting how we adults foster a child's excitement to go to kindergarten. Any time an adult speaks to a small child, their first question is, "How old are you?" and the second question always is related to school. For instance, "What grade are you in?" and "Do you like your teacher?".
The five year old's question is, "Are you in Kindergarten?" and if not then we ask, "Are you excited for kindergarten?". Can you recognize the wonder and excitement in the adult's voice as they ask that question about Kindergarten?
The child has probably never seen kindergarten and knows nothing of it, but if they are asking the question like that, I must be.
If the child did not go to preschool, this would be the first time that Mom makes such a big "to do" about preparing for something other than vacation. She spends at least the month before school starts buying back packs and special clothes, and the week before going to bed early in preparation for this special event. Even Birthdays don't get this much attention.
On the first day of school, Mom helps the child get ready for school. All the time, the talk is about how much fun it is going to be. And when we arrive, we see a classroom filled with child size things and lots of colors and many potential friends. That is unless the child has had little experience with others his age, in which case the other children can seem like potential competition or potential bullies etc.
Mom may be truely excited to get some time away from this child who has been her constant companion for 5 years, or she may feel sad to leave one of her best friends who has so much shared history. Either way, she has been assured that this is the best place for her little one.
Once Mom is gone, it is time for the learning to begin. What do they learn? They learn to wait their turn. Raise their hand. Don't bother others. Wait in line. If you need something, ask to see if you can have it. Be quiet. I think the biggest thing my children learned in Kindergarten was that they could get along without Mom, at least for a while.
They are already supposed to know their alphabet, how to write and cut and color, and how to read at least some words. The real learning is to find out how much you know or don't know compared to the kids around you and who you can depend on to tell you things you don't know. And we have "show and tell" so we can compare what other kids our age have and do that we don't have or do.
I still have kind feelings for Hailee, the new best friend my Emily found when she went to kindergarten 15 years ago. Emily would get a paper handed out, and look at it and ask Hailee what to do with it. Hailee would give her all the instructions. I am not sure Emily learned anything in Kindergarten except from Hailee. And I give thanks for the many unnamed children who's parents taught them to be compassionate to other children who were hurting.
Oh, and that other important person at kindergarten. That teacher! She was so pretty and with such a happy face, or she was a grandma who had perspective about how special children are, or the young mother who really did love children..... Except for the teacher who was there just to get the last few years in before retirement. Or the one who got put there because she wasn't very good teaching the important subjects in the higher grades. And if she is grumpy, we Moms tell our children that they must take it with a grain of salt, or forgive them, or just realize that they just have a loud voice, and keep going. Talk about instruction on how to "turn the other cheek".
I love the real meaning of the word Kindergarten: a garden of children. But, as JP pointed out, the garden that school creates is a formal English garden with everything all in an ordered row. I love the French garden that encourages things to grow where they are planted. A garden where the beauty of things is highlighted by it's contrast to other things around it. By putting the children of the same age together, we instead compare who is tallest, who is shortest, who is best at sports, who is best at math, who is best at coloring. We never try to compare a tree to a bush or a flower and notice that the tree is taller.
I find joy in my garden of children, watching my 17 year old son play with my 8 year old son. I don't compare their ablilities. I realize how much more potential for learning my 8 year old has in watching his 17 year old brother than he has in emulating 25 other 8 year olds. And I know that when my 17 year old becomes a father, he will know so much more about children than his counterparts who attended 15 years of school with people of their same age. He will also have had so much more practice at being kind to others who may not be his equal.

Experiential Education

I was reading the post in JP and Marie's blog where they were talking about their home school ideas. I liked their 3 H's.
I was thinking about our home school and, at least for now, I think my best description of our style home school is Experiential Education.
I asked Marie for a description or definition of Experiential Education. She said that Learning takes place through our experiences and the teacher facilitates recognizing the learning. (Not exactly.... Marie, Help me with this....It was too long ago).
We know that we were put on the earth to get a body. We also know that we came to the earth to learn. When we were in the pre-earth life as spirits, we were learning and developing our identities. Now, on the earth, we can use our bodies that we didn't have before to facilitate learning. We call that learning, "experience".
There are many forms of experiential learning. I am looking for as many examples as I can find. Feel free to comment and add more examples of experiential learning.

Cooking. Talk about cooking all you want, but realy cook it and you will know a lot more.

Swimming. Have you ever tried to learn to swim by watching someone else, or reading a book about it? It is a skill everyone should have. Swimming is an example of many sports skills but is the one we are focusing on this year.

Relationship skills. The more you try to relate to others, the better you get at it. And there is nothing like putting your foot in your mouth that will teach you what not to do.

Music skills. It is impossible to become a musician without experience with music. Listening and Practicing. Making mistakes and training our bodies to do what creates music to the ear.

I believe all facts that we may be taught at school are more easily learned when they relate to our experiences. For instance Travel is a better way to learn about countries than reading books and memorizing facts. Just ask Emily.

I think our bodies are ideally suited to facilitate real, long term, meaningful learning. And learning things in an integrated environment where things relate to other things helps us learn.

Marilyn