Sewing Slippers

The Young Women and Relief Society in our ward worked together to do a Humanitarian project. The Young Women cut out the items to be sewed and ladies in the Relief Society volunteered to sew the items. The Lady coordinating the volunteer sewers called and asked about how much sewing experience and skill each volunteer had because some would sew up rectangular bags, some would sew up shirts and some would sew slippers. Of course, I have plenty of experience and I can sew anything, so I got slippers to sew up.
The bag of cut fabric sat in my bedroom for a couple of weeks. Then I finally cleared off my sewing machine and decided it was time to sort through the pieces of fabric for the slippers. Another week later, the deadline was coming close. When I finally started sewing, Angela was my work partner. I probably sewed for 6 hours all together. But while I was sewing, a song came to my mind and I began to sing:
"Have I done any good in the world today, Have I helped anyone in need...." I was able to sing 2 verses and the only words I had to stop and think about were the ones that had been changed after I learned it in my childhood. It reminded me of the talk Julianna gave in Sacrament meeting about memorizing a hymn. Then a new song came to mind. This time a primary song. As I sang it, I realized I should have told it to Julianna before she gave her talk. Neither Angela nor Julianna knew this song: "If, on occasion you have found your language is in question, or ugly thoughts come to your mind, then heres a good suggestion. Just Hum your favorite Hymn, Sing out with vigor and vim, and you will find it clears your mind. Hum your favorite Hymn".
But my mind did not stop there.... and since I had so long to sew, I had plenty of time to think. I told Angela, that sewing these slippers reminded me of the Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale about the Elves and the Shoemaker. Angela was not familiar with that fairy tale.
All in all, I was glad that I did the project. Even though it was a lot of work, I appreciated Angela standing by and helping me and I was happy with my finished project.

Moving On

I noticed when I went to my blog and read my last post, what a "down" feeling I had. In fact, I wanted to avoid my own blog. (Now that's bad!)
I thought of deleting that post, but I don't think I'll do that... I will just dilute it with my more positive feelings now.
I was amazed at how, once I wrote my thoughts in the blog and in the newspaper obituary's guest book, they subsided and I felt peaceful.
Now I see how cleansing and useful writing is, I am motivated to use writing more to help me sort out feelings and process them.
We checked a book out of the library called "Feelings Buried Alive Never Die". I have not read it, but Rick says it is good. I think that writing may be a way to put feelings to rest and not just bury them

I've Lost Another Mother

I feel such a loss. I just learned from Alice at the Orthodontist's office that one of my Mothers passed away. I know, good things cannot last forever. And she lived a beautiful long life.
Just last evening I drove past her home. I saw someone in the window. I thought Josephine was standing at the kitchen sink. I thought about how much I love her. I didn't know that it was her daughter instead of her.
My tears won't stop. No one (not even my Dad) told me in time so I could go to her funeral which was last Friday. I must find a way to get a tape of her funeral.
Alice said that someone at her funeral called her a "Quiet Giant". I found her obituary online. The guestbook comments echo my feelings so completely.
I hope she knew how much I loved her.

Set your Intention

I went to Yoga today. At the end of the class, the teacher suggested that we set our intentions for the day or week. Often at the beginning of yoga practice they suggest that we set our intention for the practice. Since today, she said it at the end of the class, I have given it more thought.
What are intentions? They are different than goals, but similar. Often, it is said, having to do with goals, "Shoot for the stars and if you miss, you may end up on the moon." Implying that the moon might be a pretty good place to be since it is still higher than where we currently are. I see intentions as different than goals. With a goal, you take aim at the beginning, put in some power and see where you end up. With intentions, you start off the same way, but as you take stock along the way, you may change directions and add more power so that you don't stop until you finally get to where you intended to go.

Examples of intentions:

When Julianna needed to wear a white top and black bottom to the band concert, and she didn't have a white shirt that she cared to wear, we set our intention to get her a white shirt she would want to wear to the band concert. When we left the house, we set a goal to go to a certain store and get a white shirt. When we got there and learned that they didn't have a white shirt she really wanted to wear, we could say that we landed on the moon (they did have white shirts, just not ones she cared to wear). However, we continued on to meet our intention. We went to another store. We did find a white top she loved to wear. While our goal was not to spend too much on the top for the band concert, the intention was to get one that she wanted to wear before the band concert that night. We had to put more money toward it than we first thought, but we met our intention. If we had tried to wait until the shirt went on sale, she would not have had it for the band concert, and we would have missed our intention.

Whenever you get into the shower, you set your intentions. If you just finished lacrosse practice and you need to be at a Solo & Ensemble performance in less than 30 minutes, you set your intentions, and you will not run out of hot water. If you have just been skiing and dinner won't be ready for 45 minutes, you might.

When Julianna asked to have her hair cut, I carefully checked out her intentions. Do you want it shorter so it will dry faster, or so it is not so heavy? Do you want to donate the hair to Locks of Love? Will you want it to go into a ponytail? Do you want to wear it curly or straight? She wanted to donate it, cut it now, and have it long enough to go into a pony tail. There wasn't much difference in the minimum length to get it into a ponytail, and the amount that had to be cut off so she could donate the hair. We carefully planned and placed her hair into small ponytails and examined it and tried pulling it back toward a ponytail, before we ever cut any hair. Due to my lack of hair cutting expertise, I ended up cutting her hair intermittantly for almost 6 hours. While I was sorry that she had to sit through that, I didn't stop until I felt we had met her intentions. And I promised that if I was wrong and we actually hadn't met her intentions, we would come back and adjust the cut more later if necessary.

So, we set our intentions daily and even hourly. But we also can set intentions for the week and the year or maybe even more. I identified 3 intentions that Rick and I set for this year. 1. Feed the Lean in our bodies. 2. Become more strong and healthy. 3. Provide a stable home for the children to come to and go away from. Sort of like a safety net, but probably more like a good landing strip and launching pad. Something consistent that they could count on.

I think it is valuable to identify our intentions before we begin something. We can do nearly the same thing with different intentions so we must fine tune our actions to get to the exact intentions. When Julianna signed up for Junior High Band class, it was important to identify her (and our) intentions. Was she doing it for a nice social outlet with her peers? Did she want to learn to play the clarinet? Or did she learn the clarinet so she could learn to play Jazz Saxophone? Or was she trying to learn as many instruments as possible (violin, piano, clarinet, bass clarinet, saxophone, flute etc.) Was she trying to become known? Did she want to be liked by the teacher, or the kids?
Sometimes, we might think that the action of playing in the band is the goal and the intentions seem like ulterior motives. But actually, the intention is the bulls eye of the goal and if the intentions are not met, we only came close to success.
At Yoga class, you may go through the same motions as every other person in the class, but one person's intention may be to increase flexability, while another's is to strengthen the core, and a third person's intention may be looking for balance.
We may make cookies to impress someone, to tell someone that we care for them, to indulge our craving, to trick our kids into eating something healthy (like zuchinni) or to spend some pleasant time with the kids. Our intention would help us determine what kind of cookie to make.

Now I see how important it is to identify our intentions, so that we can really truly succeed in our efforts. Sometimes, we may feel guilty thinking that our intentions are not noble. But to honestly admit our intentions, we will more likely meet our deepest needs.

The Mothers in My Life (and What they Taught me)

My definition of a Mother is someone who loves you, teaches you, and helps you grow.

My Mother. Mother of 5 . Practiced on 4 before she got to me.
---She gave me space to grow and approval.
My older Sister. Apprentice mother. Nearly 12 years older and getting her experience with me.
---She taught me to schedule my time and my work.
Margene Knowlton. My Music Mother. My children's Music Grandmother.
---She said, "No one needs a music lesson more than someone who hasn't practiced this week."
---She knew that, "If you don't quit, you will eventually become a musician."
---I should have learned to practice at the same time every day.
My Young Women Leaders. Women with experience and Grace.
---They taught me that someone who was not in my family could love me.
---They showed me the beautiful variety in women.
Josephine Holbrook. Owner of Brooks Fabrics, my first real employer.
---She said she was "mean"....but she really wasn't.
---Because of her, I majored in Fashion Merchandising in College.
Marie Hafen. Mother of 7 young children... and of Ricks College.
---I learned, "If at first you don't succeed, Get some help."
---She taught me how to clean a house.
---I should have learned how to assign Saturday's work to the children.
Shara-Dee Seiter. Mother of 10 children (all older than mine)... and a ward.
---She taught me that it is possible to be a mother to a large family.
LaNae Knudsen. No older than me, but knowledgable about homemaking....And a friend.
---She showed me how to Bake Bread. (She tried to teach me to make freezer jam and frozen corn)
---She took me to Homemaking night every month.

I can't help but note the lack of a Grandmother listed here. One of my grandmothers died before I was born. The other lived until after my first daughter was born but she didn't live near me. I often wondered, when I called her, if she would know who was calling.

My life for the past 15 years has been amazingly void of new mothers. Maybe that would explain my empty,"homesick" feeling.
It's not that I haven't been looking for mothers. I looked anywhere I could find a group of older women with more experience than I have. I looked in the Utah Symphony Youth Guild Board, and the South Davis Garden Club. I have found wonderfully capable women who know a lot. But with encounters only an hour or two once a month, where other business is going on, a mothering relationship has not grown.

Who are some of your mothers? Have you told them thanks and that you love them?

Garden Club Helps Things Grow

The Women of the South Davis Garden Club are my "mothers". Mary Sue Bishop mentioned yesterday how the "Mother" in us makes us nurturers. The reason they garden is becuase they like to help things grow. She said that every year she gets the "after Christmas blues" that last until she starts looking at her seed catelogs. But when she carefully places one tiny seed in each of hundreds of small cells of dirt in her livingroom each early spring, and waters them with a spray bottle, and keeps them warm (but not too warm) until they sprout, she feels the excitement of new life. These ladies are so willing to share the things they have learned through their experiences to help those of us with less experience have more successes and less failures.
Its funny how, like mothers of children, these women emphasize common sense and taking into account the individual differences of each plant or seed when they talk about gardening. But where do we get that "common sense"? Most of these women talk of someone who taught them in the beginning like their mother or father. And the other source of "common sense" seems to be talking to each other about what mistakes they have made, problems they have had, and successes that have worked well.

They say that as you grow things, you will get a feel for how things are supposed to be, just like baking cookies. All of this fits together. They are suggesting that in baking cookies, raising children, and growing plants, you do things in combination over and over. Sometimes your combination works well, sometimes not so well. When it doesn't work so well, it isn't too serious because you'll get another chance at it. When it does work well, pay attention and do it the same again. Lucille Johnson, popular author and lecturer is quoted as saying, "If your a good mother 60% of the time, you're a good mother."

In raising our children, thank goodness we don't have to start without "recipies" for success. Our church leaders give us recipes for successful families alot. Do we follow them as faithfully as we do the recipes for the foods we cook? And we have an inside look at what our parents did to help our family grow. Did it work well? If so, do the same things. If not, you know at least one thing to avoid. Let's pay attention.
Last of all, why are we willing to share our failures in raising plants, but we try to keep our failures at raising children secret. Why are we ashamed? Are we so proud that we want everyone to think we never make mistakes? That is dishonest. Or are we lacking in faith that, despite our mistakes, it will all work out in the end.

I knew a mother who once said, "It's too bad that children aren't like pancakes and you can throw away the first batch." But I am glad that children are better than pancakes. They are resillient. Even if we parents make mistakes in raising them, given time, they turn out pretty good.
I love what the Bountiful City gardener, Marque Randall, says, "Don't worry so much about your plants. They WANT to grow." I think that is true with children too.
It gives me hope as I raise my family and as I try to grow plants.

Being Different

In a comment on my last post, Marie asked about raising kids that are OK with being different. But she pointed out about how they don't want to be too different. Her question was tied into raising homeschool kids where public school education is the norm.

This particular question was having to do with teen age kids.
The truth about teenagers is that they want to be different! They celebrate their individuality! However, they keep their individuality within limits. Their clothing is a way of expressing their individuality. They would never want to wear twinner clothing with someone else-- yet they would never want to wear pioneer clothes or even things that were in style 5 years ago.
The reason that they express their individuality within limits, is that they also want to be tied into a group. The idea is to be similar but not the same.

Even a Public schooled child, while he attends school in the same building as everyone else, knows that he is not the same or even similar to all the other students. Nor does he want to be. At public schools, there are groups: the athletes, the musicians, the druggies, the nerds, the drama geeks. Often a student doesn't cross the line from one group to another. And never wants to.

A homeschooler can feel that they are totally different from the public school kids if they have no tie with the public school kids. But there are other (and may I say, better) ways to build bridges than going to school in the same building all day with the public school kids. Our job, as parents of homeschool kids, is to create a "group" in the family at home that they are happy to be a part of. Also, to form ties with other homeschool families so that the child doesn't feel like he is one who is homeschooled compared to a million who are public schooled. And lastly, we need to form ties between our homeschool children and their public school counterparts based on the child's interests outside of school. If a child plays on an athletic team with others, it makes no difference what school they go to. If they have a dance class or drama class with others, again it makes no difference what school they go to. Friends from work seldom care what school the other kids go to. And these days, a student can attend some classes that interest them (including LDS Seminary) and it doesn't really matter whether they are in the same math, english or other classes. High school and Jr. High are organized such that none of the public school kids are together all day, and so why would they care if the homeschool student is in the same building or not. Although it sometimes seems strange to learn about homeschooling, kids are good at getting used to new things.

I think there is one thing that kids do care about. Not where someone learns or goes to school, but whether they are social and pleasant to be around, and happy and fun. A good sense of humor goes a long way toward making other kids want to be around someone.

My conclusion: Kids are not afraid of being different. They are only afraid of not being accepted by others. Lets help them get enough good experiences with other kids so they will be confident that they will be accepted and liked when they associate with other kids.